Amy Bloom’s In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss isn’t an easy book to read, and many readers may be uncomfortable with this book. Bloom’s husband, Brian Ameche, had Alzheimer’s, and he made the decision that he didn’t want to live with the disease and lose who he was.
Bloom and Ameche met in mid-life, fell in love, and left their partners to marry. She already had three children, and together they shared the joy of grandchildren. She is a writer and therapist. He was a man with a bigger-than-life personality. He loved stories of his years playing sports, especially football at Yale. He fished, and hoped to eventually be a fishing guide when he retired. But, he was forced to retire early from his career as an architect and faculty member. He took “early retirement” in 2016. According to Bloom, that’s when she first noticed he was having memory problems, but they waited almost a year and a half before scheduling their first appointment with a neurologist. By the time Brian was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, the couple almost waited too long for Brian’s choice to be handled with dignity.
Bloom begins the memoir with the story of their flight to Zurich, Switzerland, and then alternates chapters as she writes about Brian, their life together, his diagnosis, and his decision. In January, 2020, they flew to Zurich, hoping they would get the final “green light” from doctors there to go ahead with Brian’s decision. And, Bloom’s account makes it very clear that it was Brian’s decision to end his life while he was still able to make that decision. They chose to try Dignitas, a Swiss nonprofit offering accompanied suicide.
As a writer and journalist, Bloom thoroughly researched assisted-suicide in the U.S. before they decided Dignitas was their best solution. She stresses in 2020 Dignitas was the only place if you’re an American citizen who wants to die, and if you are not certifiably terminally ill with no more than six months to live. It offered Brian a place for a painless, peaceful, and legal suicide.
Bloom stresses how painful his decision was for her. She breaks down and cries throughout the book, but it’s a painful process to watch her big husband forget how to drive places, and argue with her over minor issues. She doesn’t pretend to be a saint, and she admits she argued and often did or said the wrong thing to a man with Alzheimer’s. But, she knew her husband didn’t want to live with the “accidents” of misplacing two of his granddaughters.
This was not an easy book to read. Imagine Amy Bloom’s pain in living and writing this story. There are around 6 million people in the U.S. with Alzheimer’s, according to Bloom, two-thirds of them women. Now, imagine the pain of their family members. That’s what Brian Ameche did when he made his decision. As I said, In Love is not for everyone. But, the memoir won’t easily be forgotten if you decide to pick it up.
Amy Bloom’s website is http://amybloom.com
In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Amy Bloom. Random House, 2022. ISBN 9780593243947 (hardcover), 228p.
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Thanks Lesa, I plan to read this memoir. I can’t imagine how painful the decision might be.
I did read an interesting book on the topic a couple years ago by radio host Diane Rehm, written after her husband died of Parkinsons disease. She interviewed a range of people linked to the realities of medical aid in dying presenting both sides of the topic.
When My Time Comes: Conversations About Whether Those Who Are Dying Should Have the Right to Determine When Life Should End
MM, I will never forget my mother saying to me about her sister who was dying of cancer, “We treat our pets better than we treat humans when they’re dying.” You’re right. It had to be so difficult.
Thanks for reviewing this, Lesa. I’m very interested in the book, but I have been torn about whether or not to actually read it.
I read it, Jeff, to see what they actually did. She does show what a difficult process it was, and the medical system in the U.S. certainly didn’t help.
I already have that on my wishlst.
I have that book on my wishlist.
It sounds like something you’d appreciate, Carolee.
I agree it would be a hard book to read. My mother cared for my father for eight years after he was diagnosed with dementia from small strokes initially, then later with Alzheimer’s. No matter how one chooses to deal with the situation, it is difficult and painful.
Yes, Tracy. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her. My grandmother took care of my grandfather for years with what was then called “hardening of the arteries”. My Mom says today it would probably be called Alzheimer’s.