Bess Kalb, an Emmy-nominated writer for Jimmy Kimmel Live! turns to a beautiful, sometimes moving, story of her relationship with her grandmother, Bobby Bell, in Nobody Will Tell You This But Me. She compiles records of their phone calls, stories told by other family memories, and her own memories of her love for the grandmother who called her “My angel”.

Bobby Bell cherished, bullied, and loved her family, but Bess Kalb’s connection to her grandmother was strong. Bobby saw her as a “mini-me”, someone who shared her love of art and clothes and shopping. But, their greatest love was for each other. Bobby may have had troubles dealing with her own daughter, but from the first day Bess was born, she and her grandmother were close. They were so close that when Bess had trouble going to kindergarten, and then coping with school, Bobby flew up from Florida to New York each week to be there for her while Bess’ mother was in her med school residency.

Kalb shares her family history, the story of four generations of women in her family. Bobby’s own mother emigrated from Belarus at the age of twelve, coming to New York to escape Jewish persecution. There’s the story of Bobby’s marriage to her husband, a businessman who grew rich building houses, went on to teach at Columbia, and outlived his beloved wife, who died just before her ninety-first birthday. Although Bobby had three children, Kalb tells of the troubles between Bobby and her daughter, Bess’ own mother. Even with all those stories, though, it’s the memories and phone calls between Bess and her grandmother that connect the entire book. It’s a memoir filled with anecdotes and family pictures.

While I enjoyed the phone conversations and Bobby’s observations after her death, Part 3, “Our Life Together”, including their shared adventures in New York City appealed to me most. Bobby took her granddaughter to Broadway, to tea at the Plaza, to art galleries. One day, at the Met, she assigned her the task of going around the room and counting how many paintings were done by a woman. Bess came back with a count of eight including Camille Corot and Camille Pissarro, all European men with names that appeared to be female to the young girl. But Bobby pointed out the only one by a woman was “Lady at a Tea Table” by Mary Cassatt. “You know how you can tell a Mary Cassatt? She was kind to her subjects. She left out their hips.”

When Kalb moved to San Francisco and then Los Angeles, her grandmother called her to tell her about the Klimt exhibit at the Neue Galleries. That’s the exhibit featuring “Woman in Gold” that my sister and I saw in the same year, 2015.

Kalb’s memoir is the story of a strong, opinionated, wry woman who loved her granddaughter with all her heart. And, it’s that story and relationship that will move readers to laughter, and sometimes a tear or two. But, there’s a sentence Bobby Bell quotes often, even at the end of the book that rings true right  now. Bobby’s own grandfather, her zayde, said, “When the world is cracking behind your feet, you keep walking forward.”

Bess Kalb’s website is www.besskalb.com

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me by Bess Kalb. Alfred A. Knopf, 2020. ISBN 9780525654711 (hardcover), 224p.

*****
FTC Full Disclosure – I received a copy of the book from the publisher.