A friend of mine mentioned Steven Petrow’s nonfiction book, Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old on his Facebook page, so I picked it up. As with any book of advice or essays, there were pieces that struck me, and some that I actually skimmed through because I had no interest. I was interested because the author (and my friend) are both my age.
The book is broken into three sections. The first one, “Stupid Things I Won’t Do Today”, is my least favorite part. Petrow admits he started with a somewhat snarky list, “A highly judgmental, unapologetically honest accounting of all the things our elders are doing wrong.” When he started the book, his parents were still alive, and this book was quite judgmental as he and his siblings dealt with his father, and then his mother who had dementia. His first section is called “Stupid Things I Won’t Do Today”, when he was sixty. The two later sections, “Stupid Things I Won’t Do Tomorrow” and “Stupid Things I Won’t Do at ‘The End”. Both those sections show more compassion than the first one.
Petrow asks “When does old begin?” Although he has his own opinion, he quotes former President Jimmy Carter from his book, The Virtues of Aging, with a thoughtful answer. “The correct answer is each of us is old when we think we are – when we accept an attitude of dormancy, dependence on others, a substantial limitation on our physical and mental activity…. This is not tied closely to how many years we’ve lived.”
Really, that’s the overall theme of the book, not letting old age cripple us. Petrow says, “Don’t let your own fears of getting old override judgement and kinder self.”
Instead of seeing what Petrow saw, I’m lucky. My mother is my role model, and I see in her some of the best of aging. She walks every day. One of Petrow’s comments says, “I won’t limit myself to friends my own age.” My mother has friends who are older than her, but also friends who are twenty-some years younger. And, she’s a good neighbor who has good neighbors. They all look out for each other. One of my sisters and I are both worriers. Mom is not. Petrow, who is a worrier, says, “Wait to worry.” Don’t worry about all the what ifs.
That last section, “Stupid Things I Won’t Do at ‘The End” is the one that struck me the most. Petrow suggests writing your own obituary. Make sure you have your paperwork ready. Where do you want to be buried? What do you want for a funeral? And, he has a section that made me cry about a friend, Jacquie, who knew she was dying from cancer and wrote letters to her children for them to open at important moments in their lives. The section, “I Won’t Let Anything Stop Me from saying I Love You…and Goodbye.” That part really hit me. My husband, Jim, knew he was dying of cancer and didn’t have long to live. He called his three best friends and told them goodbye. It was hard for them, but he felt better that he told them he loved them, and goodbye.
As I said, there were sections that didn’t mean a thing to me, so I skipped those. But, there was enough meat in Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old that made the book worth reading.
Steven Petrow’s website is https://stevenpetrow.com/.
Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow with Roseann Foley Henry. Citadel Press, 2021. ISBN 9780806541006 (hardcover), 257p.
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