Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change by Pushcart Prize-winning poet Maggie Smith is the kind of book that’s difficult to review, but important to share. It might just call out to one or two people who really need this book. It’s a collection of notes and affirmations, notes about learning to put one foot in front of each other, and move on with life.
Smith’s marriage ended after a number of years and two children. She wasn’t sure how she was going to keep going. In between her notes, she includes essays in which she talks about the end of her marriage, her miscarriages, her fears, and the effort it takes to change. It’s a story of revising the life she expected, resilience, and moving on.
Perhaps the best way to summarize Keep Moving is in Smith’s own words. I picked out just a few of the notes in her book.
“Life is a book – long, if we’re lucky – and we write it as we go. The ending isn’t written, waiting for us to arrive.”
How many of us don’t have the life we expected? Do we have the career we thought we’d have? The marriage? Has death of a spouse or a child or a loved one or illness changed us forever? Smith says, “Set down your grief for the life you intended to have but won’t; the grief will be there when you’re ready to come back to it. Now focus your mind on the life you intend to have. Commit to the present. Keep moving.”
Keep Moving is a book about pain, loss, resilience, moving on. Smith recognizes that it’s not easy. Some times are harder than others. As I said, it’s a book that might comfort some, offer just the one bit of advice. I know there were books that helped when my husband died.
I’ll end with the quote I used the other day because it hit home at a time when I’d been so emotionally involved with politics for so long. Some of Smith’s words just hit home. “Go easy on yourself today. If you feel a little weary, a little ragged, that’s okay; that’s how sad hangovers feel. This will pass.”
Maggie Smith’s website is https://maggiesmithpoet.com/
Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change by Maggie Smith. Atria, 2020. ISBN 9781982132071 (hardcover), 214p.
*****
FTC Full Disclosure – Library book
Just put a hold on a copy here through the library. They have three on order and I am number 14 on the list so it will be awhile. Still having a very hard time.
My 60 year old sister just lost her husband after a LONG illness. Would you say this is one of the better books for someone in her shoes?
If you don't mind, I am curious if you have any recommendations What book especially helped you get through this terrible life change.
I'm sorry, Kevin. Sending hugs.
Diane, This is an excellent book for someone who just lost a husband. The message over & over is – Keep Moving.
But, the one that helped me the most is still in print. It's called God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life's Little Detours by Regina Brett. Here's a paragraph I wrote at the end of 2010, the year my husband died.
If you haven't read the book, Brett's lessons sound like platitudes. There are titles such as, "Life isn't fair, but it's still good." That one hit my heart. How about "Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does." There's the lesson, "All that truly matters in the end is that you loved." And, perhaps, Brett's most important message is, "No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up for life." These stories are honest, and heartfelt. They touched me, moved me, and made me cry at times.
I'm sorry that your sister and her husband had to go through that. In some ways, I was lucky. My husband didn't linger. He went quickly. It was still an adjustment, but I didn't have to watch someone suffer for a long time.
I hope your sister finds a way to move on. Here's the message my mother gave me. She, too, lost her husband in her fifties. She said, "Your life will be different. It can be just as good, but it will be different." I made my life just as good. I hope your sister can as well.
The GOD NEVER BLINKS is at my specific branch and in my preferred format of LARGE PRINT so I have slapped a hold on that. Thank you, Lesa.
I am so sorry Diane for you and your sister. My wife passed three years ago as of this December 1st after a six year plus cancer battle. She was terminal for over four years. Losing her has damn near broken me. I have no words of wisdom. All I can say is how sorry I am…this is hell.
Thanks for your input. I cannot imaging losing my partner with so many years left to live. I would truly have to start over living a different life.
I think I will send her Maggie Smith's book. So hard now to express sorrow and condolences without physically being there with her. Could not even attend the funeral except virtually! This Covid time has taught me a lot about how much we need our relatives and friends in our lives.
Our library has the God Never Blinks book, I put it on hold to see it. Even though I am no longer a believer maybe I need the thought of God in my life.
Kevin, You're going to think a lot of God Never Blinks is hooey. However, sometimes, just the write sentence hits the heart and makes sense. Three years or thirty years, no one can tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. All I can say is this particular book helped me. But, everyone's grief and sorrow is different. Again, as you said, I can only say I'm sorry.
And, that's pretty much what I did, Diane. I started over, living a different life. I even talked about that with my Mother when I was home a couple weeks ago. She knows that I wouldn't have traveled the way I have, or attended conferences or concerts or did many of the things I have in the last ten years. I did change my life. And, it's been just as good; in many ways, even better. But, that's just my life with a lot of support from my mother and family.
And, everyone finds something different that sees them through. Music helped me, and it still does. If it's not God in someone's life, maybe it's something else. God Never Blinks might not work at all for your sister. You're going to be the best judge. But, I'll tell you what always worked. You might not be there physically with your sister. But, I talk on the phone all the time with my mother, and, frequently reach out to one of my sisters. Maybe she'll just appreciate knowing you're on the phone and available to her. It has meant a lot to me.
Thanks again to both you, and Kevin for his remarks. Although I no longer believe I certainly see where believing is a big help and gives hope in this life to a lot of people. In fact I often wish I Still believed, I think life would be a bit easier.
Diane, I don't have a formal religious faith. It's just a faith in goodness. You're probably right that it does make life a little easier.